托的 made a good point regarding family priority. But I want to go deeper. First, one needs to distinguish first-generation Chinese immigrants like me, which is what I've been discussing, from Chinese living in mainland China, Hong Kong or Taiwan. As I mentioned, as first-generation immigrants (with generally humble nature) we have no choice but to work ten times harder than everybody else to survive in this extremely competitive country. If that means sacrificing time with family, so be it. After all, our parents endured much rougher scenarios when they were our age. Even I myself were in much worse situations when I was in China than what I'm facing here. (For that, I'm forever grateful for the opportunities this country offered me.) Being away from my wife three, four days a week does not seem all that miserable, especially in today's 24-7 connected world.
That said, what's more ironic to me is that even though, as 托的 claimed, that Americans seem to hate to live away from their spouses, they also have a higher divorce rate. It was nice while it lasted, I guess.
Posted by Shamu at September 9, 2004 11:37 PMMaybe it is easier to keep a marriage together when you rarely have to see the other person. ;) Also, do we really know what the divorce rate is in China? I don't doubt that it is lower than in the US (it is about 50% in the US, I think). But I know a lot of divorced Chinese, so I wonder what the actual rate is.
But seriously, I think both Chinese and Americans love their families equally, but both sides judge the other side from their own cultural viewpoint. So, of course, when you judge American family relations from a Chinese viewpoint (using Chinese cultural behaviors as your measurment), it seems that Americans "don't care about their parents as much as Chinese do." And when you judge Chinese family relations from an American standpoint, you would say the same exact thing for different reasons.
You can't judge a culture from a different culture's "rules" (in general) -- if you do, you'll end up making idiotic statements.
Posted by: 托的 at September 10, 2004 09:48 AMI thought of one other factor in this equation. If you compare how many Chinese men visit prostitutes or have 二奶 to American men, what do you think the result would be? It is my impression (I could be wrong) that it is probably 10 times more common to visit a prostitute in China compared to the US. Maybe this keeps the divorce rate lower. ;) Maybe this is a sensitive topic that I shouldn't mention...
Posted by: 托的 at September 10, 2004 10:45 AM
I think the main cultural difference marriage-wise between Americans and Chinese is that if an American is in a miserable marriage, he/she will divorce and try to move on (often to the next marriage, but not always). A Chinese is extremely concerned about the feelings of the families involved, what the neighbours will think, how it might look at work, and therefore will STAY in a miserable marriage for years and years....I have met some really miserable couples in Taiwan and China who have been "married" for a long time. I feel sorry for them because I can see that they feel trapped, especially if there are kids involved.
Posted by: Mr. Jones at October 2, 2004 12:58 AM